head vabariigi aastapäeva!

(just some of my random thoughts on this beautiful morning)


When I was a little girl I had no idea what it meant to be Estonian. I suppose this was the challenge of growing up in Canada without an Estonian community around to teach me. So naturally the only logical answer that I could come up with was that being "Estonian" must have meant I had some sort of super natural power. What else could it have been?

Slowly as I grew older though I began to learn that my grandmothers name was not "Vanaema", most people did not run around wearing red striped skirts of wool, and Estonia was indeed a country. A beautiful country. 

It wasn't until I joined the Estonian community in Vancouver that I learned what it meant to me as an individual and what effect it made upon my soul. I felt so lucky to be part of this special group and be bonded to otherwise strangers all because we shared the same heritage. 

A family in heart.

But the place where I really fell in love with Estonia was through the choir and through music. 

The thrills and dips of it's melody combined with it's poetic language was like silk to my ears. Telling the stories of it's history, the challenges and hardships the country faced and yet even through all of that still able to create such beauty.

Even as I type this in the background are playing some of my favourite songs; "mu isamaa on minu arm", "ärkamise aeg" and "hoia jumal Eestit". Each time I try to sing along I cannot finish without tears rushing to my eyes. I feel so grateful that when I look out my window…here I am! In this gorgeous country I love so much.

I know that I was not raised here. My language skills are flawed and I still have a lot to learn about the culture, but nevertheless I feel just as proud as everybody else.

Maybe..… being Estonian really is a super natural power. 

A power that tells us on our darkest days that we can get through this. 

That says to be strong in our hearts, to keep trying and not give up.

Whatever it may be….I'm proud. 

Happy Independence Day Estonia!

Vastlapäev and volleyball

It's a quiet and chilly Wednesday night here in Kihnu. The rain outside has created slippery slush out of the heaps of snow on the ground, which by tomorrow morning will probably transform into dangerous sheets of ice. Knowing my clumsy ways I should probably start preparing myself for the many falls I am sure to experience.

But moving on....

Yesterday in Estonia was Vastlapäev (Shrove Tuesday) and to celebrate the day I participated in Kihnu's annual volleyball competition along with many others. Now, I've always loved the sport especially when I remember the good ol' days of playing with Kilplased (our lovely folk dance group), but I can't say I'm the greatest player. Sure I have the heart but when those fast balls are being spiked into my face it's not my passion that is going to catch the ball.......(even though catching isn't allowed in volleyball) but regardless I still like to play.

Each group was made up of 4 players and as soon as the first ball was served my heart began to beat with anxiety. Millions of thoughts were running through my head 

"keep your eyes on the ball"

"first passes, second sets, third spikes"

"what if I get hit in the face?"........and so on and so on. 

Our feet were flying across the courts so quickly that I couldn't tell anymore if we were playing volleyball or dancing! 

"what are you doing watching FEET??? keep your eyes on the ball Silvia. Back and forth, pass to the left, spike, set higher, DIVE DIVE DIVE!"

The tension was heavy in the air and sweat was dripping down my back. 

"Come on Silvia pick up your feet and run! NOOOO!!!! What are you doing? How could you have missed that ball it was so easy???.....ok just shake it off...shake it off" 

This dialogue went on in my head for what felt like years but thankfully our team made it through the first set of three games and without any time for rest we dove straight into playing the second team. The audience which we had was cheering us on....or maybe they were heckling us.....it's a bit difficult to understand the Estonian when your own heavy breathing is drowning out any other noises. Nevertheless we played hard, gave it our best and I'm proud to say I even had a few of my own beautiful moments! 

Before I knew it the set was already over and you'll never believe it.....our team made first place! Of course I owe it all to my amazing team members (Enna, Kermo, and Klaid) but I like to think that I helped out at least a little bit.

Our prize for winning was our very own personalized certificates, a free trip to the sauna and what better than....a bag full of beers! :) A perfect end to a fun Vastlapäev!

Perhaps to some it may seem like a small victory but to me it meant a lot. I'm going to hang my certificate on the wall as a reminder that the more time passes, the more accepted I am into this wonderful community. And that makes this little Canadian feel very happy....even on a quiet and chilly Wednesday night.

Valentine's day

This year for Valentine's day I woke up bright and early to quietly sneak my way out of bed and tip toe to the kitchen. They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so I wanted to surprise my special someone with a delicious breakfast of crepes....shaped like hearts!

When Mr.Special (and Mr.Sleepy) finally did wake up I got greeted with a warm loving kiss and the two of us sat down to eat our hearts out!
Valentine's Day crepes filled with cream and jam! sweet!

a little taste of summer

This morning I awoke to what I thought was beautiful golden sunshine leaking in through the window, and with more excitement than should be allowed in the mornings I burst out from our warm and cozy bed only to pull back the curtains and realize I had been tricked. In fact the gorgeous glow I thought I was seeing was indeed only the bright light reflecting off the massive heaps of snow on the ground. Cold, dull, large heaps of snow just yelling out to me "you do NOT want to come outside"

And just as I thought I had seen enough snow…it started snowing more. 

I'm sure many would agree that winter days can be beautiful if the sun is shining and the trees are dusted with snow, but those days where the sky is painted gray and the wind is blowing icicles against your face, I believe we all have a tear come to our eye as we dream of the sun and summer warmth.

So there I was….standing in front of the curtains for what seemed to be hours. "Maybe if I stare long enough it'll just….melt itself away???" I foolishly thought to myself.

But alas…sNOw.

So in the absence and reminiscence of warmer days I felt like livening up my winter mood and creating some of my own summer joy. 

During the previous summer I had picked a bucket full of red currant berries from the bush outside our house, and because I wasn't sure yet what I wanted to do with them I stashed them into the freezer for later days. 

and what's this we have here??? could those later days have arrived???

Why yes….I believe they have :)

While pulling them out from the freezer I couldn't help but add a little metaphorical beauty to the situation and imagine those little berries as my own little winter mood. Frozen still in the cold and just waiting for a little warmth to bring us back to life. 

The only question now was….what was I going to make?

And then it hit me…kissell. 

Kissell is kind of like a fruit compote or soup and whether you drink it alone or add it to something, either way it is delicious and very popular in Estonia. 

To be honest I'm actually quite ashamed that after three years of living here this would be my first time making it. But better late than never I suppose. 

I began to boil the fruit but since red currants can be quite tart and bitter I added some strawberries to the mix in hopes to balance it out. At first I was a bit worried as I watched the berries floating around in water and not really doing anything, but as time passed on I started to notice the beautiful mish mash that began taking place. As though the berries were so happy to be warm again that they began to break apart and dance with each other in joy. I was in such a happy mood during the whole process that I didn't even care to notice that I had been walking around with a giant hole in my sock :)

To go along with the kissell I also made kohupiimakreem (which translates to curd cream which I think sounds disgusting at the mention of "curd", so instead let's just say it's called heavens cream)

As soon as everything was finished I plopped a bit of the cream into my bowl, poured some of the warm kissell on top, and felt a rush of pride and warmth come over me as I looked upon the vibrant red soup drooling itself over those fluffy white peaks of cream…..and just like that….summer was here again…….

……..and a tear came to my eye.